Do you ever just feel like crying? Just bursting into tears for no reason or for many reasons? Have you ever just been sad and felt lonely? I’m feeling all those feels today. I think it’s a mixture of Aunt Flow almost coming to town and the lack of sleep I’ve experienced for the last few weeks. I’m sure my hormones are all over the place.
I’m so sleepy and pretty tired. I know I haven’t been getting enough sleep. It sucks. I’ve made an appointment with my doctor to talk about my lack of sleep. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea years ago. When I went back to get my CPAP machine, a doctor took me into a room and told me I was misdiagnosed. I frankly think its bullshit, but I was too young to questions it. If that would’ve happened now, I’d ask to see my medical records and get second opinion, but I digress.
I hope the doctor takes the time to listen to me and doesn't immediately say I have anxiety. I’ve heard that before. Like, "oh let me refer you to behavior health, you’re just stressed." I mean who doesn’t experience stress every now and then? It’d be naïve for me to act as if I’m never been stressed, but umm ok, shut the fk up and give me a damn sleep study! I know I have trouble with breathing at night. I just know it! I wake up so many times during the night and have trouble going back to sleep. I want a good night’s rest and I want to wake up ready for the day. I don’t want to be falling asleep at the wheel or at my desk. It’s such a damn inconvenience. I just want to fking sleep!
How am I supposed to pursue my dreams if I’m exhausted all the time? I want to get up with energy. I want to jump out of bed and start the day feeling rested. Instead, these last few weeks I’ve been lethargic and moody and just plain sad. I keep telling myself it’ll get better and I really hope it does. I’m tired of being tired all the time. I’m tired of being sleepy.
I know the importance of taking care of yourself so that’s what I’m trying to do. I made an appointment and I’ll talk to the doctor about my concerns and hope he/she listens. I just need sleep. That's all.