I Hope You Always Look Back
It amazes me how much my son has grown. Every time I take him shopping for shoes, it’s hard to believe he wears a size 12. He’s only four, but he’s growing so fast we’re buying shoes every 4 months.
I catch myself thinking a lot about him when he’s not with me. He’s your average four-year-old boy when it comes to things like messing with his sister or squirming around so much at night it makes you want to bust out the melatonin gummies. Overall, he’s a good and very happy kid. Since Becca was born, a lot of my attention has shifted to her and it's difficult to spend time alone with him. After work, I try to pick him up first to get some one on one time with him. He’s usually not happy to see me when I pick him up early because he enjoys playing with his friends and feels he hasn’t spent enough time with them before I arrive. He quickly gets over it when I tell him I have a snack in the car for him. They’re always hungry after school so I try to have a snack ready for them to devour. This week I had some banana nut muffins. I let him have one on the way to get Becca and I then gave him another after we picked her up. I try to make him feel special every chance I get because I know he doesn’t always get my attention if Becca’s around. I don’t do it on purpose, of course. But, Becca still demands a lot more attention than he does.
Humberto and I typically spend quality time together when Becca is asleep for the night. I let him sleep next to me when Humberto's out of town, even if he grinds his teeth in his sleep. It’s nice to have that quiet time together. We talk about anything from how he wants a transformers party this year to where my laptop charger could be. He giggles at any silly thing I say and he usually says something I’m not expecting. It makes me laugh and sometimes makes my heart feel like its exploding with love. The innocence in his questions or responses makes me wish he could stay little forever.
I was dropping him off at school earlier this week and I realized he’ll be graduating Pre-K in a few weeks. I’ve seen how much he’s grown since his first day of Pre-K and the confidence he exudes amazes me. He's a leader; the way others gravitate toward him reminds me of my husband. I know I won't have to worry about him having a high self-esteem.
It makes me sad that he’s growing so fast, but at the same time I’m happy I get to watch it first-hand. I enjoy watching him walk down the ramp at school on his way to his class. He’ll jump outta the car – sometimes grudgingly depending on whether or not he got adequate amount of sleep the night before - and I’ll watch him walk away adjusting his backpack and looking around for his friends. Most days he looks back, smiles at me, and waves. Sometimes if I’m lucky he’ll blow a kiss back at me.
I pray for this sweet boy every night. I pray that he always has a heart that empathizes with others. I pray that he stays kind and thoughtful and that he’s a God-fearing man who loves Jesus more than anything else. I pray he enjoys his life and finds joy in every season. I hope he never looks back at his mistakes, his failures or disappointments. I hope he never looks in the rear view mirror of his life and feels regret, but instead learns and grows from every experience.
I pray as he grows up that I learn to let him go, but even when he's grown, I hope he always looks back at me every time he walks away. I hope he smiles and waves knowing I’ll always be there; looking at him and hoping he looks back and smiles at me.